well everyone, im back, i know it has been awhile since ive posted. ive been self injury free for a couple months now, though ive still got a few burn scarrs and what not.... and the desire is still there, though i no longer tremble with it. alot of things have been happening lately, some good, some not so much... as always im full of questions, and short on answers, and every answer generates another question, so the circle continues. Ive a pet scorpion now, named diablito. he is a common bark scorpion, and he eats grasshoppers. anyways, hi everyone, questions asked will be answered to the best of my abilities. tc all.

life sucks. death sucks. pain is my love, but im kept from it. that sucks. ive had one slip since i got back, i carved a heart in the middle of my chest, and then tore up part of my stomache, unusual? nope. whats unusal, i did it with a piece of broken glass. i got a dog, shes sweet. i might be moving back in with mum, thats good. i wish some psycho/sicko would kidnapp me and carve my body to pieces, thats not so good. id rather be the one to carve myself to pieces, thats normal. my left arms started itching again, which i take to be because my scarrs are still fadeing. my left arm, from wrist to elbow, looks like a calico cat, or a shadow and sunshine pattern, my tan is cut through with the pink and white lines of my scarrs, its so mottled most people cant really see the scarrs, which is good. my bicep is stripped lightly, it looks interesting, but those scarrsa are almost completley gone. ive got dark scarrs down the insides of both arms where i raked them with my nails while i was ip, a round red scar on each knuckle, from the carpet and my teeth, and one across my right wrist from the concrete, and one on the side of my right wrist from my teeth. ive got a bunch of little brown sun spots on my arms, and im dieing to take a needle and stab them all. when you put a needle deep enough through one, as it heals the sunspot is replaced by scar tissue and it dissapears. on the plus side, when i moved to my dads i lost a bunch of weight, and now i feel really good when i wear my bathing suite because im pretty sure i look ok in it. on the downside my gram took me swimming with my little cousin, and my bathing suite has a mesh part that covers my stomache, but it floated up in the water and he spotted the cutts on my tummy, but i managed to both explain it away and distract him so he forgott about it. somewhere at my mothers house i have a wood burning kit, i want to use it on myself so bad. i want to burn, bruise, break, cutt, carve, stab, all of it. i want to SI.

i give up, im giving in, not going to fight it for once, time to end the pain. sorry if anyone out there cares. im not dieing just si'ing.